‘Sometimes I sit in the car and cry’: Woman tells how life ’changed overnight’ when husband (39) was diagnosed with dementia

A Lisburn woman has described how she and her husband had their happily-married lives “completely ripped away from us” after her 39-year-old husband was diagnosed with dementia.

Síle Tankov’s husband, Stefan, was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia last year – a rare form of the condition which can impact behaviour and language.

While dementia mostly affects those aged over 65, most cases of frontotemporal dementia are diagnosed from 45 onwards, but can occur even younger, like in Stefan’s case.

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She shared the couple’s story as part of the Alzheimer’s Society’s ‘Behind Closed Doors’ campaign, which aims to ‘shed light on the hidden reality of dementia’ as well as the ‘devastating lack of support currently offered’ to those impacted.

“We were only married two years. It was all completely ripped away from us,” said Síle.

“We first met on a night out in Newry in 2019.

“I would say that he was very sensitive, very ambitious and very caring.”

The couple married in April 2021 amid Covid restrictions and snowy weather.

“We thought about postponing but decided, no, that’s the date we want to get married,” she said.

“It was a brilliant day. Life was just perfect, and we were hoping to have a family.”

Síle, who works as a teacher in Lisburn, said that she started to notice changes in her husband’s behaviour around two years ago.

“At first we thought he might be depressed,” she said.

“My life changed overnight when we got the diagnosis.

“I was immediately told that Stefan had to go into a care home. It was not my choice. It was not my decision.”

‘It can be isolating when other people are visiting parents and grandparents, I’m visiting my husband,” she added.

“Sometimes I sit in the car and cry. But my family, friends, colleagues and neighbours have been supportive.”

Síle hopes that by sharing her husband’s story, more people will be aware of how dementia can impact people at all stages of life.

“Through Stefan’s story I want everyone to understand that dementia doesn’t just affect older people and that there are many different types of dementia.”