Healthcare and social service workers are being encouraged to ask individuals seeking mental health support about problems with gambling, similar to how they inquire about drug use, smoking and alcohol.
This new guidance from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) aims to help identify gambling issues early and provide support sooner.
NICE suggests that GP appointments or health checks are ideal moments to ask these questions, particularly for those who have recently left home or people with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, which the NICE document has highlighted as risk factors.
Gambling can have detrimental impacts on families and relationships, and if you’re wondering whether your partner’s habits have crossed a line, you’re not alone.
Problem gambling can be difficult to recognise, but understanding the warning signs is key to supporting your partner. So, here’s what to look out for and how to approach the topic with care…
What are some warning signs?
There are several warning signs to look out for, including mood swings.
“Extreme mood changes that may oscillate from unexpected joy to irritability, anxiety or depression, this can be a significant indicator in relation to gambling behaviours,” highlights Dr Manpreet Dhuffar-Pottiwal, chartered psychologist specialising in behavioural addictions.
Lying and hiding finances are also red flags.
“If your partner lies about their gambling activities or becomes defensive when questioned, it may be a sign of a problem,” says Dhuffar-Pottiwal. “Your partner may be secretive about their finances and expenditure, withholding bank statements or using cash instead of card to avoid detection.”
You may also observe a neglect in responsibilities.
“You might notice a sudden shift where more time might be spent online, as a result poor sleep and a decline in usual responsibilities occurs, like constantly running late for work, and heightened irritability at household chores,” notes Dhuffar-Pottiwal.
How can gambling impact relationships?
“Gambling can deeply impact relationships by eroding trust through deception, creating financial strain that leads to stress and conflict, causing emotional distress such as anxiety and depression for partners, and it impacts the way they show up for their children as parents,” says Dhuffar-Pottiwal.
“It can also heighten intense feelings of shame and isolation due to the stigma surrounding gambling, leading to more masking behaviours.”
How should I approach the conversation?
When approaching a conversation about gambling, it’s important to choose the right time.
“Find a calm, private moment to discuss your concerns when both of you are not stressed or preoccupied,” advises Dhuffar-Pottiwal. “If you have children, ensure they are not present by speaking after bedtime or when childcare is available.”
And try to be supportive so they feel comfortable enough to open up.
“Give your partner space to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption,” suggests Dhuffar-Pottiwal. “Take a break if you feel activated by the content, and come back to the conversation with empathy and understanding.”
What practical things can I do to help my partner?
To support your partner, consider educating yourself about this type of addiction, which is often considered a taboo, and gently encourage them to seek professional support.
“Learn about gambling addiction to understand the challenges your partner faces and to provide informed support,” recommends Dhuffar-Pottiwal. “And suggest they seek help from a mental health professional who specialises in gambling addiction.
“You could also offer to accompany them to support groups such as Gamblers Anonymous or couples therapy sessions.”
What should I do if my partner won’t seek help for gambling?
“If your partner is resistant to acknowledging their gambling problem, it’s essential to be patient, as change takes time and pushing too hard may lead to defensiveness,” says Dhuffar-Pottiwal.
“Consider expressing your concerns with specific examples of how their gambling has impacted you, encouraging self-reflection through journaling or assessment tools, and seeking support for yourself through groups for partners of gamblers to share experiences and coping strategies.”
What can I do to protect my own wellbeing?
“Prioritise self care by engaging in activities that promote your wellbeing, such as exercise, hobbies, and relaxation techniques,” advises Dhuffar-Pottiwal.
“Consider seeking professional support through therapy to process your feelings and develop coping strategies, setting clear boundaries to define acceptable behaviours, and maintaining connections with friends and family for support and perspective.”
What practical steps can I do to avoid financial harm?
“Keep a close eye on shared finances and set budgets to manage expenses effectively,” recommends Dhuffar-Pottiwal. “Consider having separate bank accounts or placing limits on shared accounts to prevent unauthorised spending.”
Also, try to communicate openly about money.
“Regularly discuss financial situations with your partner to ensure transparency and accountability,” says Dhuffar-Pottiwal.
Where can I seek support?
“There are lots of specialist addiction and gambling addiction charities [including GamCare and GambleAware] that can support you in this,” says Dr Niall Campbell, consultant psychiatrist and addictions specialist at Priory Hospital Roehampton. “And in terms of getting into debt, the citizen’s advice bureau is a very supportive place to start.”
