Bill Bailey’s west London residence is home to a family of armadillos, three dogs, cockatoos, lizards, tree frogs, a couple of pheasants… and that’s having “pared it down” over the years.
After all, the comedian and musician got rid of some of the more boisterous animals that used to make up his personal menagerie.
“We have pared it down a little bit – we don’t have the chickens anymore, which is a shame. I used to love the chickens – we used to get fresh eggs every day, and they’re endlessly entertaining as well,” he reminisces. “The ducks have gone, which I miss. But they’re hard work – they’re quite messy.”
At least he still has the armadillos – Tommy and Pamela, and their offspring Dylan – who Bailey calls “endlessly fascinating”, particularly as they move around with their shells almost concealing their legs, “Like those robot carpet cleaners”.
Of course, living with a coterie of exotic animals in a busy city doesn’t come without its own unique set of practical considerations.
“We had a cockerel for a while, and he suddenly discovered his crow – he discovered that he could crow like a proper cockerel should,” Bailey recounts. This was a new development – previously, “He never really followed through, like he wasn’t quite sure of his own self. Then he one day got confident, and he realised he could – he just wouldn’t shut up then.”
This wasn’t exactly good news for the Bailey family. “A cockerel crowing at first light in a flat in west London? This is going to be a problem,” the comedian thought – so when he started chatting to a neighbour, he steeled himself to embark on an apology tour.
“He goes, ‘I love it, this is fantastic. Reminds me of the countryside’,” Bailey remembers. “We had the same refrain from lots of other neighbours… We had some neighbours from Trinidad, and they said it reminded them of home. We had some people who lived in the countryside, they said it reminded them of home. They said it was lovely hearing the sound of the countryside in the city, where we’re so used to hearing much more urban noises – cars, planes, trains, skip lorries bouncing over speed bumps.
“We’re so used to that kind of symphony of urban sound, hearing something that was natural and reminded them of the countryside – people actually loved that. So that worked out well.”
Bailey is a regular face on the small screen, appearing on the likes of Black Books, Never Mind The Buzzcocks and QI, as well as being a classically trained musician – he performed with the BBC Concert Orchestra in 2008 in Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra. In recent years, he’s perhaps best known for his winning turn in the 2020 series of Strictly Come Dancing. Now, he’s published his first memoir – My Animals, And Other Animals – which is less conventional autobiography, more a series of tableaus about all the animals who have popped into his life over the years.
While Bailey has had some extraordinary encounters that few of us have experienced – such as swimming alongside a dwarf minke whale off the coast of Australia, exchanging notes of Beethoven’s fifth symphony – sometimes the most meaningful ones are closer to home.
“Any encounter we have with wild nature is memorable in some way. I remember walking in Hertfordshire along the Ridgeway with my old pal Sean Lock, which we used to do very often,” he says, referring to fellow comedian Lock, who died from cancer aged 58 in 2021.
“On one occasion, we took a wrong turn – actually, we got lost. So we were emerging from this wood looking for this path, and suddenly, there was a herd of deer. They were crossing this field and hadn’t seen us or were aware of us, because we were downwind of them, I guess.
“We stopped and held our breath and watched as these deer trotted across this field – then suddenly, they stopped. They froze, and looked round directly at us. We didn’t move – then they carried on and all jumped over a fence. I remember we were in a state of awe after that – we still talked about it many months, years later. Simple things like that can have this profound effect – that happens with all of us when we encounter wild nature.”
So what creature in the animal kingdom does Bailey relate most to? “Any animal that’s clumsy, because I’m notoriously [clumsy] – my family were just amazed I could dance,” he laughs. “They were like, ‘How are you not bumping into things?'”
He likens himself to a tree kangaroo – a curious being that lives in the eastern part of Indonesia and Papua New Guinea. “It really is as clumsy as you can imagine – imagine a kangaroo, but in a tree… It’s an evolutionary anomaly.”
Bailey’s spell dancing on primetime television might be behind him, but he’s still watching this year’s cohort of Strictly competitors. “I certainly know what they’re going through – put it that way,” he says.
“I enjoyed it very much and I’m glad that I’ve done it, because I know how hard it is – I know what’s required.”
He’s positive about the changes in the new series, with measures like chaperones for training, saying: “If it means that people have a good experience, then great.”
Strictly might have catapulted Bailey from a beloved comedian to a household name, but he suggests the change from his win was much more personal than that.
“It helped me to conquer nerves in a way that perhaps I hadn’t realised before. When I go out on stage and do comedy – I’m in my comfort zone. I’ve performed for many, many years, but doing something that was out of my comfort zone – performing to that level was a huge challenge, incredibly daunting and nerve-racking.
“Being able to conquer that, being able to master that, that felt to me like a huge victory. That was a great bit of personal development – it was like, OK, so you can take on something that you really are not comfortable with, and you don’t feel you have mastered, but you’re going to throw yourself into it anyway. That’s what I got from it – it’s about conquering fears.”
My Animals, And Other Animals: A Memoir Of Sorts by Bill Bailey is published by Quercus, priced £25. Available now.
