“There’s a wee lump in the chest and I am feeling emotional” said Patricia Hughes, the proud mammy of Kieran as I visited them at their home at the weekend.
The reason she is emotional is that one of Scotstown’s favourite sons, Kieran has decided to retire from inter-county football.
He hates the word retirement, but knows now is the right time to step away.
“Lots of people retire who are content with their decision. I don’t think I will ever be content with it. I’m 34 in February and definitely feel there is another couple of years there,” he said.
The mind and body though are two very different things and for Kieran, his body just can’t go through it anymore.
After Scotstown’s narrow loss to Glen in the Ulster club final, thoughts began to turn to the year ahead. Stats and information were appearing in the Monaghan WhatsApp group regarding targets for the following season.
“Over the past few weeks, I had seen them, read them and thought the body is not able to do this anymore, to go from club to county in such quick succession.”
For a lot of players, they get involved in football because of their parents’ love of the game but that was not the case for him or his brother Darren.
“There was no big interest in football at home but I was lucky to be from Scotstown, one of the best clubs in the country with a huge footballing tradition and love of the game,” Kieran said.
“I just loved having the ball in my hand and kicking it against the pebble dash on the side of the wall. There was no end goal. Just myself and Darren out in the garden kicking football to all hours.”
He loved it but he also was very good at it and was spoken about from a young age as one to watch.
Séamus ‘Banty’ McEnaney sent a letter to the house in 2008 inviting him to join the senior inter-county panel.
He was 18 years old and had been captain of the St Macartan’s team in the MacRory Cup that year with none other than Vinny Corey training them.
His first training session with the seniors was on January 2, 2009 with players such as Tommy Freeman, Damian Freeman, Rory Woods and Paul Finlay.
“We did a fist passing drill and I dropped my first ball. I had never done this before. I was wondering are they going to judge me here but it wasn’t long until I got myself settled,” he said.
“It was an unbelievable experience being asked to join the panel but looking back, was it the right decision? I should have taken a year or two more to develop.”
The highs, first of all, were winning Ulster championship medals in 2013 and 2015.
On a personal level, 2013 was a brilliant year for him. He was living at home, working on the family farm and injury free.
A conversation with Malachy O’Rourke before the Ulster final with Donegal led to him, leaving his half-forward role to play at full forward, where he found a lot of joy.
“It was supposed to be just for the throw in, but I stayed there for the whole game.
“The win in 2013 gave Monaghan people and Monaghan football confidence to go and perform against big teams. It’s only now that I appreciate it.”
It was the first time in 25 years that Monaghan had won the Anglo Celt cup.
2015 saw Monaghan lift it once more with a one-point win over Donegal, but his role in the win disappointed him.
“I was probably very hard on myself but I think I touched the ball twice in the whole game.”
Hughes has never watched the game back as it frustrates him.
The lows have been plentiful. Injuries have followed him throughout his career, starting early on from when he made his inter-county bow.
It’s also no coincidence that his level of football increased between playing club, inter-county, college and U21 at this time.
“The knees started giving me serious trouble and I was in chronic pain. I decided to get them both operated on at the same time in 2011.″
The subsequent years would prove very challenging for him.
2013, 2015 and 2017 saw him shine both for his club and county, but the years in between, would break his heart.
“When I was feeling good and on it, I honestly felt I was not going to be touched on the day. Unfortunately, I could nearly count on two hands the amount of times I felt that throughout that period.
“It doesn’t sit well with me.
“Hamstring tendon pains started in 2014. Only players that have had that will understand what discomfort it brings to the body. When you get discomfort in the body, it messes with upstairs. People are watching and wondering, why am I losing the plot on the football field”
“I know the reasons. I’m not fully tuned into what I should be doing. I know where I need to be on the football field a lot of the time, but I just can’t get there, the body won’t let me.”
‘Losing the plot’ would see Kieran as a target by opposition players to get into his head to try and curb his influence.
“I would put a lot of pressure on myself to deliver and when I wasn’t getting that 8 or 9 out of 10 performance, I would get frustrated.
He wasn’t adverse to giving as good as he got on the pitch either.
“I regret getting involved in verbals as I was reacting to players and lowering myself to their standards. I played on the edge, though, and I told myself I would never change but I think I would change now and think a wee bit more of the team.”
Reacting to social media was something he regrets doing too. There were incidents in games he was involved in that he responded to online afterwards, that shouldn’t have bothered him but it did.
“I hate to admit it but I struggled with it. I took myself off X as I don’t want to be this outspoken fellow who reacts to others opinions.
“People say it doesn’t affect them but 100 per cent it affects them as they don’t want to see negative comments about themselves.
“I probably needed bad publicity sometimes, to really take a step back and realise, what I needed to do. It put fire in the belly.”
Malachy O’Rourke described him as a free spirit and Kieran laughs at this notion.
“That’s Malachy and his way of words and it is one way of putting it. I played football but I wanted balance in my life too, meeting friends, socialising, that was important to me.
“I wasn’t good at school and hated studying. Football was prioritised over everything else. I struggled for a time and was lost for a while as I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
“People see this guy on a football field and think everything is plain sailing off the field, but it wasn’t.”
Another connotation to being called a free spirit is that you like to do things your own way.
“That would be a fair comment. I always believed in my own natural ability and worked best when I didn’t overthink things, a play or a position.”
Were you difficult to deal with?
“I probably would have fell out with a lot of physios over the years. I didn’t go into the physio room as I didn’t want the younger lads saying ‘oh this guy, he’s always on a physio’s bench’.
“I’d be downstairs in Cloghan (Monaghan training centre) trying to get myself and the body activated and everything sorted before going out on the field.
“That was just me. If I saw the physio coming towards me, I’d nearly walk the other way. When you are having a good relationship with physios, it’s a sign things are not going well.
“When you are injury free you have great relationships with management and there are no problems. As you get older, player manager relationship pull apart as soon as the body starts giving up.”
One of the toughest periods of his career was when it was suggested that he was feigning injury.
“I was angry, disappointed and embarrassed by it. The perception was that I don’t want to play for my county.
“I’d do anything to get the boots laced up but what’s the point of me going out and not being able to get a performance from myself”.
Another injury happened after the intercounty season in 2022 with a grade C tear in the left tendon flaring up that affected Kieran’s club season.
“Only for Vinny Corey coming in last year, I wouldn’t have gone back. Vinny coached me in 2008 and was brilliant to me on my debut in the McKenna cup, when things didn’t go my way and I was taken off in the first half.
“He sat with me on the bus heading home as I cried, calmed me down and told me there would be better days. We won Ulster final medals together so there were great days.”
“I ended up being this bit part player for Monaghan [in 2023] and I didn’t mind it at the time because I would have done anything for Vinny”.
It was a brilliant season for Monaghan despite not winning silverware but the All-Ireland Quarter final against Armagh and the semi-final against Dublin stand out.
“The game against Armagh went to penalties and I put my hand up to take one but I wanted to go third as it’s sort of safe.
“I’ll never forget the buzz of that. It was nerve wrecking. I’d love to say we were cool calm and collected but there were nerves running through.
“You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. It’s such an individual mindset too.
“You have to score and it’s up to next person to score”
“I’d have loved to be on the last 10 minutes or so against Dublin [in the All-Ireland semi-final] as we were under the kosh.
“We couldn’t get a kickout away and that was my role for most of the Championship. Not saying I would have got on anything as Dublin’s press was so high, but it was a tough watch.
“At the final whistle, I did look around and ask myself, is this it? "
“It was emotional speaking to Vinny. He told me we have soldiered together for years and, honestly, I couldn’t speak and put the phone away from me as I started to tear up.
“I wasn’t ready for the phone call and he could have said anything and I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. We’ll sit down and chat properly in the next few months”
Having made the call, he admits that he will find the next months tough, having to quickly adapt to being a spectator.
I know I’ll be in the stand in a few months time and think I could still do something but for what is involved in terms of getting my body right to commit, it doesn’t make sense to do.
“I don’t think I can do the bit part thing again as I want to be that all action player and maybe I’m at a stage, where those days are done, but I have plenty of challenges left with club football.
“I’m so grateful for all the opportunities that I’ve had with Monaghan. The people that have helped me along the way from my club and within the county and also for the challenges, because it’s made me the person that I am today”
“It will feel strange that Darren is still there. He’s packing bags to go to training and I’m not. I will miss the dressing room, the collective environment, pushing ourselves, seeing younger lads progress, the bus journeys.
“Getting the Garda escorts to Clones and Croke Park, looking at new lads on the bus seeing them getting that buzz.
“Getting to skip crowds, seeing the crowd waving and sticking fingers up at us from opposition teams, driving into Clones and Croke Park and the serious adrenaline rush.
“The nights out with the lads, there are so few of them but I will miss that”
Monaghan’s loss is most certainly Scotstown’s gain. A free spirit, impetuous, a big game player, a competitor, committed, nerves of steel and honest to the core, take your pick.
Kieran Hughes most certainly did it his way.